Someone to Catch My Tears
by Erutan Xiku
Summary: Unfinished. Possibly in Progress. Shortly after their banishment from Cocoon, Lightning eases Snow's doubts, but then begins to wonder where her place will be once they save Serah, while Snow ponders the meaning of being a Hero.


**Someone to Catch my Tears**

"Don't worry," Snow assured in that annoyingly confident tone of his, "this tear will be her last – I'll make sure of that," Lightning appraised his firm expression; a promise that she expected him to make and it bit into her.

"That's all I need to know," she affirmed, closing her eyes as she nodded and turned her face away a little.

"We will see her, right?" the question came suddenly, unexpectedly – how could he start second-guessing himself _now_? _'He's always been unsure…'_ the thought came as she remembered the other times he had almost wavered in his faith; his stubborn faith that had driven him this far – the faith that they would see Serah again. Despite that strong conviction, he still held doubt – no matter how small – and it threatened to shake his foundations each time a moment presented itself.

"Don't go there," she said tersely, her steeled gaze boring into him, "no room for doubt," she said this more to herself than to him, as she fought off the shadows that clawed their way. She wouldn't consider it – she wouldn't go back to the idea of never seeing her sister again, not now that she had found the light she needed.

"You're right," came his firm agreement, coloured with a hint of relief. She blinked and looked at him, snapping out of her thoughts, _'Just like that, he's got his faith back…'_ but she knew he still had that sliver of doubt; they all did and it was everything they could do to keep it at bay. Giving into doubt would be the end of them; they had to keep reaching for that light no matter what, even if in the end it was all for nothing – they could at least say they tried, _'But it's just so…'_

"We'll see her again," she assured, again more for herself than for him, "and soon," she turned away and looked up at the gleaming structure of Cocoon, "You convinced me of that, so stay strong," _'You have to…because I can't be the only one…'_ She stood there, looking up like an idiot, tears pricking her eyes, _'When it's all over…'_

"Don't worry," Snow said, a reassuring smile audible in his voice, "we'll finish this and go see her together," Lightning blinked at his words, surprise filling her at the sudden warm tracks tracing her cheeks, _'Tears…?'_ Her brow drew as she searched for a reason – was the hope too much to bear? Were they tears of joy at the idea of a happy future – _'Happy for whom?'_ Everyone else would have a happy future – she would be happy to have Serah back, but then Snow would take her away and then what would she have? Serah was her reason just as much as she was Snow's – he promised to never make her sister cry, but what about her? A crushing loneliness swept through her and she felt cold – there was no room for her and the tears flowed freely, taking her warmth away.

"What about me…?" she hadn't meant to ask the question; the small and lonely tone of her voice surprised even her, and before she could take it back, Snow had started speaking.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confusion and worry colouring his tone.

"It's nothing," she said sharply, the words cutting through the air, "it's time we head back anyway – you go on ahead, I'll follow," she still looked up, willing as hard as she could to stop the tears; it was a miracle she had managed to control her voice.

"Hey…" Snow began uncertainly, as he placed a hand upon her shoulder; she stiffened and turned her face away – she couldn't let him see her like this, "Lightning, what's wrong?" his brow furrowed in concern as he tried to meet her gaze.

"J-just go, will you!" _'Damn it!'_ her voice betrayed her; it had faltered for that one moment as she maintained that strong tone of hers, _'Please just go,'_

"Lightning!" he growled, both hands firmly upon her shoulders as he snapped her towards him, _'There it is…'_ She saw him falter as he looked at her – her eyes wide and haunted, the tears streaming down her face and she collapsed, crying freely as she fell to her knees.

Snow stood over her, his eyes transfixed on where her face had just been, utterly at a loss; unsure of what to do, unsure of what to say – the image he had come to have of her had completely shattered. This wasn't the Lightning he knew; her small hiccough pulled his attention and his core shook at the sight of her, crouched over on her knees, utterly defeated. He was scared; he didn't want to see this, _'She tried to hide it from me, but I wouldn't listen,'_ he shook at the sight of her and momentarily considered leaving to allow her the privacy of composing herself, _'Are you just going to leave her there, Mr. Hero?'_ a small voice at the back of his mind sneered, _'You claim to want to save everyone, yet you won't even save the strongest person you know at their weakest…'_

The words knocked the wind out of him and he fell to his knees before her; his mouth felt dry and with each pained sob she made, his heart seemed to get crushed under the weight of it just that bit more. Eventually, he did the only thing he could think to do and that was to reach out and pull her into an embrace. He was momentarily surprised by how small she seemed as he held her close, cradling her as she buried her face in his chest.

"Hey now…" he cooed softly – his voice sounded raspy, and he cursed himself for letting his unease seep into it, "pull yourself together okay, I'm sure whatever's eating at you can't be that bad…" _'God I suck at this…'_ he thought derisively; it was so much easier with Serah, _'Serah…'_ He raised his gaze up to Cocoon and sighed, holding Lightning closer as he stroked her back, "I'm sorry…" he said absently, "I can't seem to find the right words…"

Lightning felt the pain intensify in her chest; Snow was trying to comfort her but it just made things worse. She couldn't find the words to tell him what she was going through; she needed so much to talk to someone, but she didn't want to burden anyone – she had to be strong, _'Strong…'_ It was being 'strong' that made her like this; it was her greatest weakness and she couldn't do it anymore. She had her fears and doubts just like everyone else, yet everyone saw fit to pile onto that heap with theirs and her burden would increase – the number of reasons for her to be 'strong' increased and it was crushing her; the _loneliness_ was crushing her.


End file.
